Taken Over Completely
I will share this with a bit of hesitation only because I still currently struggle everyday and have chosen to not get help even though I should. But with that being said, I am a 40-year-old, Korean-American woman who has had a severe eating disorder for 20 years. I never knew how such a benign effort to “get healthy and fit” would lead to wasting half my life in and out of hospitals and also lead to a debilitated life dependent on social security disability and constant medical attention. I wanted to share a little bit only because I feel so marginalized and stigmatized, due to my age and ethnicity.
I’ve gone to some of the best inpatient programs in the U.S. as well as South Korea, but to this day, I have returned to the life of controlling my every waking moment with actively practicing my behaviors. It’s become something I would never have imagined, since the severe anxiety, paranoia and obsessive thinking have taken over my life. I don’t have family and cannot have relationships with people because of this. I wish there were others like me (my age and history) who would not feel so ashamed to share their struggles, so that we can at least feel we are not alone. I don’t lose hope however. Everyday I know I have the option to start over and get help. I’m truly grateful for Thick Dumpling Skin and some of the women who pioneer great leadership and inspiration (such as Lisa Lee and Lynn Chen). I hope one day I can finally recover to the “other side” and help others like me who suffer in silence day to day.