Straight A Student

This girl, of whom the topic on, is a straight A student. She is one who will do many all-nighters to get that perfect report card, and will be devastated if she sees a B on her transcript. Her family is well-off, and she’s supposed to brighten the family name. Her father sits in front of her at the dining room table, making sure that she completes all of her work. He buys her countless of textbooks, study aids, tutors—you name it—, so that she can attain the highest level possible for herself. This girl, of whom the topic is on, is a perfectionist.

On a bright and cheery Sunday, there was a girl standing in front of the mirror. She was critiquing herself, and for the first time, felt an utter sense of helplessness about the shape of her thighs. For thirty agonizing seconds, she wanted to kill herself. Then she went outside. She’s not too concerned with her weight after that.

Fast forward three years. She’s entering high school at any moment, and all of the sudden has gotten violently ill. She goes to the Asian doctor for a checkup and is put on the scale by the nurse. It reads 125 lbs on a roughly 5 foot 2-5 frame. She asks the nurse, “is this number ‘bad’”? The nurse replies “well, this is kind of on the heavy side”. This is the comment that leaves her shaken and determined to rid herself of the ‘excess’ pounds.

She goes on diets galore. The watermelon diet, grapefruit diet, the low-carbohydrate diet, the no fat diet, the low calorie diet—you ask her if she’s been on it, then she’ll probably reply yes to most. She’s also been bulimic. Every morsel that she could possibly extricate from herself, she did. She wasn’t able to be in social surroundings because it tormented her too much. What if she couldn’t find an outlet to purge herself? What if she didn’t know the calorie count of a food? What if they made her eat?! For this girl, it was a horrible nightmare that she endured for roughly 3.5 years.

This girl’s turning point came when she discovered food blogs. Healthy Tipping Point, Meals and Miles, Une Vie Saine, Carrots n Cake, and The Actor’s Diet contributed greatly to her recovery. Finally, she was able to use them as examples to see how people lived and how NORMAL they ate. It took time, but slowly, the changes started to implement themselves. They started to feel more natural. They were a healing balm.

Fast forward to now, my senior year as a second semester senior in high school, I have to say that I’m nearly fully recovered from my eating disorder. I’ve actually gained weight, *gasp* feel better about myself, eat what I want to, have a social life, and have the stamina to exercise well. My all time low was 105 back in October of 2010, and right now, I’m about 112-115. I have to say though; I feel the best I’ve ever felt in my life. Some struggles I have right now are that I tend to overeat a bit everyday and have the need to stop it before I revert back into my old ED tendencies, have medical complications from my countless diets, and that my parents seem to still think that I’m on a eating disorder. I’m hoping though, that these problems will solve themselves in time.

Life will be better now. I believe it.

Jae | New Orleans, Louisiana | USA

Jae is a South Korean girl who came to the United States when she was four years old. Her heart is with God, and her dream is to go into the medical field so that she can help people and provide for her parents. She finds joy in family and friends, and she is ready to embrace life to the fullest.

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